Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
