thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize