i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
