I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just pee glitter
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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