Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
