i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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