when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
