I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
