she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
