so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
