Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

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  (970): He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster http://tfl.nu/ubg8
  Replies (86) Good night (1150) Bad night (3863)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.

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  (304): I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later. http://tfl.nu/jthu
  Replies (19) Good night (940) Bad night (6262)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous

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  (973): she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous http://tfl.nu/o10z
  Replies (9) Good night (1481) Bad night (5283)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.

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  (573): I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/5d16
  Replies (31) Good night (1232) Bad night (3949)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

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  (443): He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to. http://tfl.nu/5t0r
  Replies (22) Good night (4749) Bad night (2283)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"

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  (859): When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs" http://tfl.nu/jaco
  Replies (6) Good night (3250) Bad night (1626)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.

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  (804): Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many. http://tfl.nu/1pp3
  Replies (4) Good night (819) Bad night (553)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS

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  (978): I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS http://tfl.nu/o0md
  Replies (2) Good night (1143) Bad night (541)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang

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  (610): Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang http://tfl.nu/jrxr
  Replies (2) Good night (1116) Bad night (572)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.

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  (205): It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots. http://tfl.nu/unba
  Replies (4) Good night (1285) Bad night (835)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis

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  (306): I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis http://tfl.nu/jni6
  Replies (5) Good night (1253) Bad night (438)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.

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  (716): Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now. http://tfl.nu/i6pt
  Replies (2) Good night (773) Bad night (303)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad

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  (413): Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad http://tfl.nu/6sd1
  Replies (1) Good night (452) Bad night (628)
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  (585): View more from New York

  don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.

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  (585): don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking. http://tfl.nu/3gr5
  Replies (1) Good night (893) Bad night (285)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Come back. Shots need mouths.

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  (513): Come back. Shots need mouths. http://tfl.nu/wxr0
  Replies (0) Good night (707) Bad night (322)

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