I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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