So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
