Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.

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(518): View more from New York

I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
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(616): View more from Michigan

I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.

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(585): View more from New York

i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.

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(276): View more from Virginia

You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.

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(303): View more from Colorado

the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.

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