So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process