oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?