I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
