On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
God, I missed his penis.
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