We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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