put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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