Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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