WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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