he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
