So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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