I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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