he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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