I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pooping to opera.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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