drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
