You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
