I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
