I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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