Betty ford says i'm here all night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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