How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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