Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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