I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
