why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
