I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize