YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
