What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
