I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
