He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
