Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
