I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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