My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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