you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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