I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
