if you like me you must not know who I am
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
