meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
