WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
