I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
