I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
