i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
