it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
we're so committed to being not committed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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