i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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