I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
