Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
