Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
