now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
