i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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