I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
