He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
