Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
