Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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