She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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