do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
