dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dear god my vagina.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
