After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
