The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
