For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize