Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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