i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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