i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
