So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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