Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
