Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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