to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
