this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
