Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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