I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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