3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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