I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
