I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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