I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
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