Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
