when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
