im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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