WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize